My Dad died today

Dad had surgery on Wednesday for an abdominal aneurysm. He usually is pretty chill about surgeries. But he was worried about this one. They said it went really well, but as time went on, they found inflammation around his heart, and he was not feeling goo. 

Mom called at 11:00 to tell me that they were planning to take Dad for a CT scan to see what was going on with his heart. they were going to intubate him and call us later

About 11:30 she said it was silly for both of us to be up waiting separately, so I went over. They called us about 12:30 and said that on his way down, his heart stopped. They did CPR and got him going again, but they didn’t think he was going to make it. - And if he did, he wouldn’t be the same person. We asked if we could come to see him, expecting a no, but they said yes. We called Ry to let him know, but only got voicemail. Mom and I rushed to VA, thank goodness we are so close, and were able to touch, hold and talk to him until his heart stopped about 1:25. I told him about walking barefoot in the rain to clear the gutters and sang “In my Life” to him. As we talked he seemed to relax a little. We told him it was okay to go and that we were so proud of him.  I am so grateful we could be there to see him off. I know a lot of people don’t get that chance lately.  We drove home and got there around 2:00. - It is amazing how my whole world changed in just a few hours. Mom and I hugged and cried and joked a little. Neither of us knows what to do, so we just do what we feel.  I slept a little, maybe 2 hours, and when mom got up I offered to go get “good coffee” for us. Driving to Caribou I wanted noise, but none of my usual stations felt okay. I thought about how Dad loved The Current and switched to that. It was just right.  The drive up people t Caribou asked how I was and I almost broke. 

After I got back, we sat on the couch and hugged and cried and talked - We made a few phone calls to people who needed to know. Bruce & Josie agreed to call Sid & Joel for us. 

Every time I tell someone, I break down again. 

I drove home to check in with the kids and pick up some stuff for myself.  One the way I heard a wonderfully perfect song How lucky can one man get by john prine. The kids were kind of stunned. Felix and Rellie hugged me Leo isn’t sure what to do, but he offered up the Ozzie that was sleeping on his lap to me. I cried to Peder a bit and we talked. He said he had called Connie and talked to her for a little while, Ry hadn’t gotten up yet. 

I spent some time researching “What to do when a loved one Dies”  I’m setting up a website to share memories and Trying to arrange a virtual funeral. Peder suggested his cousin Tim as a facilitator/Emcee/zoom captain - whatever. Hopefully, he says yes. 

I am just so very grateful that we had such a nice Christmas, and that Dad and I got one last amazing project in. I’m beyond grateful that we got to be with him when he died.