Another Mama bear moment

Today while I was getting fitted in my new glasses at MOA, FP was entertaining the children out in the hall (walkway? concourse?) hanging out with another family who happened to be there. Relia, being her not shy self, told them all about how her brother bit her on the nipple this morning. She was getting ready to lift up her dress to show them her injury when a completely uninvolved stranger (male) who happened to be walking by told her something like "No, girls don't do that."

I wasn't there, but FP said it scared her a little bit. He was so surprised that a stranger would be so bold, that he was dumbstruck, as I would have been. When FP told me about it, I kinda wanted to go chase  down the guy and explain to him the difference between a developed woman and a little girl. Also that he is not responsible for our child when we are standing right there.

GRRRRRRR!

She's 4! She can take her darn shirt off whenever she wants. If her hair was in a buzz cut, no one would think twice. She has plenty of time to learn about the crazy obsession/fear society has around women's breasts. I don't need anyone jumping the gun on that particular hang-up. Even if it had been a woman, I would have been upset, but for some reason a guy telling my daughter what girls "don't do" angers me even more.

There's a reason

Tonight, Felix woke up about 7:30 and hour and a half after I put him down. Whimpering and rubbing his ears. He's been sick and waking up hasn't been something entirely unusual lately, but usually it is around midnight and FP gets the honor because he is still up.

I went in, and picked him up and rocked him. I just don't get to do this anymore, and I miss it a little bit. We rocked for about half an hour, and I probably could have stayed all night, but FP was taking time off tonight and I wanted to hang with him.

You may have a hard time peeling this next baby off of me. FP said there is a reason that the youngest is referred to as the baby of the family.

Death and the preschooler (the return of St Muridae)

We never told Relia that Aunt Liz died. We just didn't know how to tackle it in April, and then, there wasn't any reason to bring it up. So now that we are going to see the family next week, and are naming all of the people that will be there, Relia brought up Aunt Liz and that she hadn't seen her in a long time.

So we told her. She asked a couple of questions, along the lines of "I won't get to see her again?" and "What happened to her?" and "Where is her cemetery?". Then she told us a story about a ghost in a cemetery and it was done. Okay. Her little brain has assimilated the information for now.

Then, this afternoon, Ozzie caught a mouse. Well, he caught it...and let it go...and caught it...and let it go...(repeat infinitely), which Relia found facinating, until the mouse stopped running away. At that point she developed some sympathy for it and decided she wanted to keep it as a pet. She pulled out some tupperware and insisted that I catch it. She would put some grass in there and make a home for it.

Now, I am not afraid of mice. I had several as pets when I was a kid. I wouldn't mind if Relia had them when she is old enough to have a pet. I don't want them wild in my house, and I'll jump if I see them race across the floor, but once the cats have stunned one, I have no problem catching them and getting rid of them. So I had to explain to Relia that there is a difference between the mice in the pet store and wild mice, and that this mouse was NOT going to be her pet, and that it was going to die before it left this house either at Ozzie's hands or mine. This brought many tears and much wailing.

Since she wouldn't leave them alone, and since it was a nice day, I shut Ozzie and the mouse out on the porch and let nature take it's course. (about 15 minutes before Ozzie showed some mercy and disemboweled the poor thing)

It felt like kind of a heavy day for us, but of course, the mind of my 4 year-old is great at taking in, information and filing it away for later use, so not such a big deal for her for now.

This gave me chills

On PostSecret today.

I have had to tell people I love, things that I was afraid would end of our relationship. Its amazing how people we think we know well can surprise us. They responded in ways I didn't expect. It is a wonderful feeling.

Important

I don't think there is a time in m life when I feel more important, more necessary, than when my child is sick in the middle of the night.

It was Relia's turn for our fun bug last night. Poor girl. She handled it so well. It was like she wasn't scared, just so in the moment. Upset about her messy jammies, then reveling in a midnight bath, back to curling up on the bathroom floor while I rubbed her back, enjoying extra stories in bed, and grabbing a big bowl for another round of sickeness, then finally falling back to sleep.

She is so amazingly mature now, and yet still my baby.

Remember

When I'm feeling like I really don't get to spend enough time with my kids, like those days when I only see Felix for an hour or two, I need to remind myself that I have the awesome luxury of choice when it comes to my summers. Not many workoutsidethehome moms are so lucky.

Nature or Nurture?

I am constantly amazed by how our kids are falling into traditional gender roles. Despite the numerous ways their everyday lives contradict them. Makes one wonder.

Relia is as girly as they come. Pink pink pink, hourly clothing changes, princess play, ballerina, make up, you name it, she is it.

Felix, so far, is much more interested in trucks, climbing, and disassembling things.

I have never been able to understand this

External validation

What a powerful thing.
One thing I am working on at work is giving specific feedback. For some reason this is difficult for me, especially in the classroom. It may be because I get overwhelmed keeping track of 25 little minds and all they are accomplishing, but it is such a powerful thing to have your efforts noticed in a way that is beyond just saying "good job".

One joke is that you know you are with a teacher when you hear them say to the server at a restaurant, "I like the way you keep my water glass filled." It sounds stupid, such a teacher thing to say, and would be an insult if that server felt that keeping customers properly hydrated was an easy thing to do. But if I knew they struggled with such a task, that praise could mean a lot.

Yesterday, right before I left for the day, I stopped by my Assistant Principal's office to ask a quick question, and she chose to mention that she felt I was really blossoming in my position, and that I had made great improvements to our math program. She said a few more specific things too. This had me walking on air for the rest of the evening. She knows I tend to doubt myself and don't recognize my successes as readily as my failures. She showed that she cares about me by paying attention to the work I have been doing.

I need to remember this. Not only for myself and my own confidence, but for the students and teachers I am working with. I need to be familiar with their goals and struggles so I can give appropriate feedback. Sometimes, amid my own insecurities and struggles, I really lose that.

I turned on the TV

while I got dress this morning, something I rarely do, and whatever channel I was on, spent a good 5 minutes talking with "experts"about whether or not it was appropriate for Michelle Obama to wear shorts. On vacation. At the Grand Canyon. In August.

I'm not sure whether laugh or cry that we have time and energy to devote to things like this. Or maybe I should just be proud that our First Lady is a sensible woman who dresses appropriately for all occasions. In my mind there is some kind of pathology involved if you wear a pantsuit on a family vacation in the desert.

The father of my child

My wonderful husband.
Is a great dad. He loves Relia to pieces and he is her favorite right now (I hope that lasts forever, because he is a decent model for a future spouse) A girl needs her dad.
He takes Relia to daycare every morning (A job I'm glad I don't have because the time pressure sucks.)
Is willing to do just about anything we need him to do.
Is patient with us and lets me know he is on my side.
Laughs with me about our quirks, but listens to me if things go too far.
Sings (I pray that she has his musical gifts)
Is a good writer (I'm envious and hope that this too, is passed on)

Anyway, we love you and I am amazed by what a great kid we've made and what a wonderful job you are doing as a father.

worry worry worry

FP will tell you on any day, that I am a worrier.
I just am.
I don't know what to do with myself if there is nothing to worry about.

I have realized that this is why I have been a little down the past few days. I am facing a drastic reduction (or shift) in my worry load this summer, going from classroom to confirmed job for the fall that is non classroom and in the same school with the same kids. I don't have to look for a job, I don't have to take classes, or think about how we're gonna make ends meet.

What will I do?!

Not such a bad problem to have, but disconcerting for me, none the less. I will be able to handle relaxing and enjoying time with Relia, it just may take me a little while to get into the groove.

These are a few of my favorite things...

Listening to Relia sing to herself when she wakes up in the morning.

I *heart* FP

FP and I have always looked at money a little differently. FP would like it to just take care of itself. Auto pay everything and just live his life. That doesn't work very well when his wife stops bringing in a regular paycheck. I, on the other hand, have always liked to watch my money like a hawk.

So when we came together and co mingled our finances I took over as manager, of course. I wasn't great. When you don't have (what you think is) enough money, some people (like me) say "screw it, why should I do the responsible thing, I'm never gonna get ahead. " Which is why they never do. I didn't go overboard, but I didn't get serious about cutting our expenses until there was an actual light at the end of the tunnel. I felt like everything was on me finance-wise. I was always the bad guy telling FP what we could and could not spend money on and I resented it. I didn't want to hand over the job, I just blew up every few months. Not productive. We tried doing monthly money meetings, but it was still on me to gather the info and tell him what was going on. So that didn't take.

Cut to today.

We have talked for years about getting a bigger bed. A queen would be great, but because of the U-turn in our stairs, it is physically impossible to get a queen box spring to our second floor (unless we get a split, which appears to limit our choices). That leaves us with a king size. Now that we have a little bit of money, I have been socking away a little extra, and casually searching craigslist for a bed. Yesterday I found a couple. I called and set up times to see them, arranged for mom & dad to watch Relia and headed out with FP to get cash. Snag: We can only take out $200 in cash a day.

So when FP suggested we take it as a sign, I immediately felt disappointed. Not like I had to argue, not angry, just disappointed. I was feeling a childish desire for immediate gratification and deep down, I knew he was right. Actually it wasn't so deep down, it was right below the surface. I knew he felt torn too. Between letting me be happy and excited, and what he thought we should do. But if he was actually saying "no, this is not a good idea" to me, I had to listen. I fought with myself about it. Not only would I not have the fun of getting a new bed, but now I had to call two people and tell them we weren't coming. Yuck.

But he WAS right, and I wanted to show respect and how much I loved him for showing interest in our finances. So we didn't get a new bed. I got over the disappointment pretty quickly (which is also a sign). In fact, it opened up an opportunity today that we couldn't have taken advantage of if we'd bought a bed yesterday.

I'm done with the basement for tonight

This is what we have now:

compared to this, I think it looks pretty good.


Keep in mind that a lot of stuff has been moved to school, and could come back at any moment. I still need to tackle the giant squid that is our internet and phone hub, do some more organizing on my workbench, plus, haul out a whole pallet of garbage (ours is 100% percent full until Tuesday), donate-able stuff, and a cubic meter of broken down cardboard boxes.

It's winter in Minnesota
And the gentle breezes blow,
70 miles per hour at 52 below!
Oh, how I love Minnesota
When the snow's up to your butt;
You take a breath of winter air
And your nose is frozen shut.
Yes, the weather here is wonderful,
I guess I'll hang around.
I could never leave Minnesota,
Cause I'm frozen to the ground.

I'm realizing that I'm excited

to watch the inauguration with my kids. It feel like one of those historic things you remember for the rest of your life. For me it was the Challenger explosion.

Columbine was during my first long term subbing stint and I happened to be home sick that day.

9/11 was another one, but in my school, we managed to keep the news from the younger kids until they went home. We just didn't think there was any point in telling them before they were with their families.

This is the first. looking forward to it, positive one. Regardless of your politics, you have to admit this is an historic event. My kids (I have no white kids in my class) are really excited. We are talking about how the whole process works, since they were sure he was already president. It has really opened up a great conversation about politics in my class. The kids are really interested.

They don't realize how dull it the ceremony is going to be. I do have some that will be glued to the whole ceremony, but, many will get bored. I'm ready with Obama coloring sheets and Presidential facts worksheets.

So cool

The chicks haven't hatched yet, but it really looks like it is going to happen.

And I think this sends a message to the world that we are getting closer to walking our talk. That it is possible for anyone to become president in this country.

UPDATE: It's official! AND it looks like the Minneapolis school referendum is going to pass too. I'm going to bed now.

Just so you know...

It only took about 30 minutes. The lines were about the same as
in 2004.
Peder was home on election day in 2004 and had people
knocking on the door all day asking if he needed help getting to the
polls (2 blocks away). So before he left, he suggested I put up a sign so I can
rest.

We'd like to be the ideal parents, but we're too busy raising our kid.