Three weeks down as a "new" (but not new) teacher.
To be honest, it is kicking my ass. I try to stay cool, but as we get to know each other, the students are falling into some bad habits that I need to nip. There are a few power struggles here and there, that I need to remind my self I will only win by staying out of them.
I am noticing that I am not present enough. Often spend my time worrying about what is coming up, instead of enjoying the beauty of what my students are doing. My lessons go too long, they get squirrelly, I get frustrated because "If they'd just stop interrupting, we'd be done by now." Forgetting that the magic is in what they do, not what they hear. But I don't have my exit directions ready for every little thing, because I spent all of my time trying to understand the lesson. Then I fell asleep, or had to go home because I will NOT let myself stay at work past 5:30 pm (school is over at 3:00).
However, My students are sweet. I get to co-teach with amazingly encouraging people. People who see me as doing a decent job, and recognize that I have been out of this game for a while. People who have shown me how to get my class to work quietly so others can think and work (I like a little buzz in my room, and maybe we can get there, but we need to internalize how to work quietly first). It is happening. My students are reading and writing quietly. Some of them are taking the lessons to heart as best they can and are practicing what we have been learning.
Yesterday, at the end of the day, when recess hadn't been quite long enough, we had spent the morning silently on computers doing standardized testing, and my math lesson was taking longer than I intended, I sent them off to do their math work and they did so happily. It was beautiful and I reminded myself to enjoy it, and remember it, and let them get there faster next time. Even if the lesson wasn't as complete as I want.
So I will work for hours tonight and tomorrow to try to be ready for the week ahead. But I probably won't be prepared enough. I will still fumble, or forget the worksheets at my desk, or something else will get in the way of the perfection I hope for. But I am getting better. I will continue to get better.
