Oh Christmas Tree

This incredibly foggy morning we met the family for a Perkins breakfast (with awkwardness abounding) and then headed to Hampton to cut our Christmas tree! We all looked around an fairly quickly found our tree and helped it fulfill its Christmas destiny.

We decided to put the tree in the office this year so we could protect it from the kittens when we are not around.  We haven't had it there since before Relia. This year all the kids helped decorate. It is so cool having them be older and actually helpful, but still excited about the tree.




So far, the kittens have sampled the water, chewed the branches a little, and mangled one low hanging ornament, but so far no one has tried to climb.

#tmwyk

I so love talking math with my kids:

Leo is 4.

Leo: Your shirt has 6 buttons.

Me: How did you figure that out so fast?

Leo: I know 2 & 2 is 4, and 4 and 2 make 6.

"One hundred & two hundred is three hundred." (I don't remember his words, but the gist was, because one of something plus two of something is three somethings)

Pointing to the page number in his bedtime story "This is page one-ty one" (11)

#tmwyk

Property

The first thing Felix said to me this morning was, "my brain told me that 1+1-1=1. And that works for any number." We tried a few different numbers, and have yet to disprove his conjecture 😊

Leo's math

As we were driving home from preschool, Leo started counting. 

He started at "one-ty one" (11) and continued on, one-ty two, one-ty three...one-ty nine, two-ty, two-ty one...

All the way up to ninety nine! Then, it was "ten-ty". After ten-ty nine came one hundred. 

It just floored me that this little person knows the pattern so well that he can make up his own words for it. Words that make more sense than the correct words. So many little ones, including Leo, get stuck on eleven & twelve, because they don't fit the number pattern of the rest of our infinite set of numbers. 

More amazing Leo

Tonight, after dinner, Leo wanted to know how many states there were on the map. Then, he took paper and crayon and started copying the names of states on his paper.

Later, at bedtime, he asked "how much is 3+ 3+ 3?" Usually I'd make him figure it out, but it was late so I just told him "9".

Then he counted on his fingers, "1,2,3,1,2,3,1,2,3,1." He stopped and then told me to say "one" when he got to three. He had me track his groups while he counted threes! Then he knew when to stop, and confirmed that it was indeed nine. We are, right now, teaching that to second and third graders.

Rough times--political post ahead

It bothers me more than I want to admit. I'm pretty pragmatic, and I want to stay focused on all of the rationalizations I can think of:

People want something different and this was the only "different" offered up to them. (So they went with it despite the disgusting stuff that came along with it)

Hillary sucks. I wished it had been some one other than her. Bernie would have been equally weird, but not messed up evil weird. Another woman would have been amazing. Somehow, someone decided she was entitled to a runaround the presidency. That rubbed me the wrong way too. Even without the suspicions around her.

But now. Now we have a leader who has encouraged violence, and made fun of or villainized groups of citizens. Not even because they criticized him, but because they questioned him. Or because they are easy targets to galvanize one group of people trying to get by against another group of people trying to get by. If they have a perceived enemy, they won't go looking behind the curtain to see that, Illegal immigrants don't take US jobs, a US business person gives them the job. Something our businessman President elect would call "smart." 

Anyway...

I've spoken to US citizens who have lived here almost or their whole lives, who now, for the first time, feel afraid. Our new leader has tacitly green lit harassment of people who look like they might be an immigrant.

It is frightening. More so than 9/11 was to me. We united against a common enemy (eventually) we came together in fear, grief and love. This threat is home grown, and will not be attacking on a plane, or anonymously with a bomb. It will show up when you are standing on the street, minding your own business. It will tell you that they can hurt you now. The leader of our country said it was okay. 

So in my sadness and fear I have to raise and teach beautiful children, who despite my best efforts, know about all of this, and want to understand. It doesn't make sense to them when a "bad person" wins. (We did not tell them this, and still would have to have that discussion if it had gone the other way) 

So I'm sad, and I'm fearful. It exhausts me. I have to dig deep to maintain patience. I have lost my cool a few times.

They need a wall to swim back to.

In the midst of inevitable parent/child conflict, Damour writes:

Your daughter needs a wall to swim to, and she needs you to be a wall that can withstand her comings and goings. Some parents feel too hurt by their swimmers, take too personally their daughter’s rejections, and choose to make themselves unavailable to avoid going through it again…But being unavailable comes at a cost…Their daughters are left without a wall to swim to and must navigate choppy—and sometimes dangerous—waters all on their own.

While Damour’s research is focused on girls, I believe the same imagery holds true with boys.

As our families dive into a busy fall, kids need us to be a wall. A wall of support that doesn’t withdraw or abandon them. Even when the pressure of fall sports, new classes, and changing friendships cause our kids withdraw from us—often hurting us in the process—they need us to be the adult who stays steady.

Damour gives some helpful tips on how to be the wall of support that kids need.

1. Anticipate that kids will push off. When your child swims to you, enjoy it, but don’t be surprised when they distance themselves from you. That’s part of their journey from dependence to independence.

2. Rally your own support. Who in your life is the wall that you need, so that you can be a wall of support for young people?

And I’ll add a few more…

3. Be aware of your own anger and self-protection. I’m most likely to move away from my kids when they tick me off, or when they raise painful (and unresolved) issues in my own life.

4. Watch out for fatigue. While the source of the phrase “Fatigue makes cowards of us all” is unknown (with possibilities ranging from Vince Lombardi to General Patton), it could have been written by a tired parent. Last night at dinner, I wasn’t the parent I wanted to be—not because I lacked skill or knowledge. I simply lacked sleep.

5. Help teenagers have multiple walls—not just you. As a parent, you can’t be the only wall for your child. Our Sticky Faith research continues to showcase the importance of young people having a team of adults who combine to form a fortress of support.

In an era when young people often feel like they are splashing around in deep waters, I want my kids—and your kids too—to know that they can find refuge in their parents.

Kara Powell  

Executive Director of the Fuller Youth Institute and co-author of Sticky Faith and Growing Young.

Election night!

Rellie got permission to stay up late and watch the returns come in.

She has been reading so many graphic novels. Now she is spending time creating them.


It doesn't look good. We'll see how it turns out in the morning. Sigh.

Budding Violinist

First day bringing the violin home. Looking forward to hearing "Devil Went Down to Georgia" soon.