This week

 I wish I'd kept a record of this week. It dragged on and on, but also flew by. 
So many things I had to do. 

Monday - Set up a memorial website for dad. started writing an obituary. Called cremation society and set up an appointment. 

Met with my team - they got me. They handled everything. Slept at home. 

Tuesday - Got hold of the VA and arranged the pick-up. Ordered the urn. Started sorting through pictures for a slide show. 

Wednesday -Had a panic attack in the shower thinking that someone (with good intentions) would pack up dad's office. Peder talked me down. Drove to mom's met on the phone with cremation society - they were good, we got it all arranged. Ordered the obituary in the strib. Dropped off the pictures to scan at National Camera. 

Thursday: Went for a walk at MOA - just trying to get myself moving - the photo disc was missing files - called National Camera and they fixed it. Peder went and picked up the disc. Got the slideshow finished. Met with Tim to finalize things for the memorial. Went home, took a shower, and drove back to get ready for the visitation.  - Exhausting. But beautiful.

Friday: Walk at the MOA again - cried most of the way. Got the slideshow with music finished and wrote out what I wanted to say at the memorial Had the memorial - It was wonderful. Mom and I tried to go out in public, but it just didn't feel right. So we went to my house. We set up on the couch (the cats hopped right up on mom), made a fire, watched TV and I fell asleep on my mom's shoulder. 

Today - I slept until 9, and then I made the decision to be a lump today - I called friends and watched TV. 
- I did arrange snow removal for mom and uploaded the memorial and visitation videos.

Throughout the day I struggled with being sad, and mad at my brother. 

My Dad died today

Dad had surgery on Wednesday for an abdominal aneurysm. He usually is pretty chill about surgeries. But he was worried about this one. They said it went really well, but as time went on, they found inflammation around his heart, and he was not feeling goo. 

Mom called at 11:00 to tell me that they were planning to take Dad for a CT scan to see what was going on with his heart. they were going to intubate him and call us later

About 11:30 she said it was silly for both of us to be up waiting separately, so I went over. They called us about 12:30 and said that on his way down, his heart stopped. They did CPR and got him going again, but they didn’t think he was going to make it. - And if he did, he wouldn’t be the same person. We asked if we could come to see him, expecting a no, but they said yes. We called Ry to let him know, but only got voicemail. Mom and I rushed to VA, thank goodness we are so close, and were able to touch, hold and talk to him until his heart stopped about 1:25. I told him about walking barefoot in the rain to clear the gutters and sang “In my Life” to him. As we talked he seemed to relax a little. We told him it was okay to go and that we were so proud of him.  I am so grateful we could be there to see him off. I know a lot of people don’t get that chance lately.  We drove home and got there around 2:00. - It is amazing how my whole world changed in just a few hours. Mom and I hugged and cried and joked a little. Neither of us knows what to do, so we just do what we feel.  I slept a little, maybe 2 hours, and when mom got up I offered to go get “good coffee” for us. Driving to Caribou I wanted noise, but none of my usual stations felt okay. I thought about how Dad loved The Current and switched to that. It was just right.  The drive up people t Caribou asked how I was and I almost broke. 

After I got back, we sat on the couch and hugged and cried and talked - We made a few phone calls to people who needed to know. Bruce & Josie agreed to call Sid & Joel for us. 

Every time I tell someone, I break down again. 

I drove home to check in with the kids and pick up some stuff for myself.  One the way I heard a wonderfully perfect song How lucky can one man get by john prine. The kids were kind of stunned. Felix and Rellie hugged me Leo isn’t sure what to do, but he offered up the Ozzie that was sleeping on his lap to me. I cried to Peder a bit and we talked. He said he had called Connie and talked to her for a little while, Ry hadn’t gotten up yet. 

I spent some time researching “What to do when a loved one Dies”  I’m setting up a website to share memories and Trying to arrange a virtual funeral. Peder suggested his cousin Tim as a facilitator/Emcee/zoom captain - whatever. Hopefully, he says yes. 

I am just so very grateful that we had such a nice Christmas, and that Dad and I got one last amazing project in. I’m beyond grateful that we got to be with him when he died.