It's like being a new mom. You have all these dreams about how it is going to be when your new baby comes. Some of them are realistic, some are idealized. Maybe some come true, always some don't. You never quite understand how hard it really is until you are in it. And of course, in our culture, you often feel responsible for your child not meeting the ideal. You try hard, but it is SO hard. And the ideal is so crazy ideal. If only I were this, and if only I did that, then everything would be ... great?
I thought I would be able to blog this whole experience. Yeah. Nope. Not time for that.
I got to meet with an amazing person last week that I had worked with in another incarnation of me as a teacher. She offered to help me a little in my struggle through this New, but not New Teacher thing.
She pointed out that whenever you are doing something new, emotional or difficult, the skills you once had seem to fade away. OMG! That is me! I am not, all of a sudden, incompetent. I am doing something that is all at once new, emotional and difficult! It's amazing I haven't lost more of my former abilities.
So despite this new, emotional and difficult time in my life, I am still loving on and listening to my kids. I am trying to show appreciation for all that FP has taken over in our home life (let me know if I need to do more). I am getting the bills paid. The children are fed, not awesomely nutritionally fed, but fed. I am excited about the lessons I am teaching, and I like my students.
One thing I can do better is to let go of the constant time pressure I am putting on myself. It makes me a crabbier mom & teacher, and causes shaming to happen in our lives. I can see it spreading amongst us like a disease. Not cool. That is my focus. Support, mother and teach people, not timelines.
