Remember how I was "tired & whiny" a whole week ago? Yeah, I'm feeling much better. All of a sudden, I feel like I'm doing things the way I know they should be done. I have energy to do what is necessary because it feels worthwhile. Good timing too, because I just scheduled my big huge gigantic super important observation for next week. I'm actually looking forward to getting the feedback.
The kids went outside to play in the back yard, since it has hovered right around 30 degrees all day and snowed/rained all afternoon. Feels like the first time in a hundred years. They had a wonderful time and brought themselves in just in time for dinner.
The vomit did not touch any of the 432 stuffed animals that are required by toddler law to be in the crib at all times. (except in the morning, when they will all be dispatched to various corners of the room for expeditions)
I think today is the first day that I've had to stay home because FP was out of commission. The other days have happened to fall on a daycare day, or he just powered through. Today not so much.
I got up with the kids and FP was still feeling dizzy. I had an all day meeting to go to today anyway, so I called in and sent FP back to bed.
what freedom! A sick day without feeling cruddy! It is super cold yet again (-6) so I packed everyone into the car, drove the 300 feet to Relia's bus stop, waited for the bus to arrive and sent her off to school. Then the boys and I went to the Children's museum so we could blow off some steam before we hunkered down for the afternoon.
It was fun to chase Leo around Habitot while letting Felix have free rein. I caught him just as he was about to lose it and get all hangry, by putting him in charge of the snack bag and elevator buttons. We got home had some lunch and a nap. All in all, a great morning.
Leo has stared babbling: mamamamama, bababababa
He also shakes his head side to side a lot. While he crawls, when he's really excited. I seem to remember Felix doing the same thing.
While I want to rock Leo before putting him to bed, Leo has other plans. He arches his back and yells. It occurred to me last night that he is not interested in being rocked, but just wants to be put to bed. Then I remembered that Felix too went through a stage like this. A friend asked me if I felt rejected. Not really, I mean it is a sign of growing independence and certainly puts less demand on my time, it is just disappointing. I'm gonna miss holding him and rocking him every night.
Felix, instead of talking about things he will do when he gets bigger, talks about "When I'm stronger".
Also that Leo will walk when he is stronger. Or "He's not strong enough to do that."
Felix has demonstrated that he is indeed capable of saying "Ah-rail-ya", but much to my happiness, he prefers to continue to call her Yay-ya (Leo is Ye-yo too).
After reading the"Fever and Ague" chapter of Little House on The Prairie, Relia has decided that her cough and FP's illness is from malaria.
I want to be an amazing, life transforming teacher. I want to help students know how exciting having an understanding of mathematics can be. I want them to surpass me in their understanding of math.
But I'm tired. Even as I'm excited to begin a new unit right now, and I work nights to try to perfect it, to find the right way to make sure every student has opportunities to access the content, my victories are short-lived, and I have to do it day after day, and of course, I can't because I have a family and a house and some semblance of a life.
I wish I could have it all figured out, but each year kids come up with new challenges. When I realized 4 years ago that the curriculum we were required to use, never lined up with the standards I was legally obligated to teach to, I began a long journey to try to fix that mismatch in my building. On my own. I had support from administration, but I was charged with figuring all of that out for my grade levels. I still don't have it 100% right, and now the district has taken over that job. It's about time, but in the process it is undoing some of the good I have done in our building, because it was in a hurry and others had different agendas.
How do I make every day the most it can be, when I have students who can barely subtract, and I'm supposed to teach them the standard algorithm for "long division"? I'm not blaming anyone else for those deficiencies. I'm just saying that the diverse needs of my students means planning, not a lesson for each day but at a minimum, 3 lessons each day to try to meet student where they are at.
I need more time to really talk to my students, to really look at their work and make notes in stead of just recording scores. After a few days of success, I start to grow tired, I get a little less diligent, things go to hell, and I'm back to doing things the way I know they don't work, but they seem manageable for me.
So I'm whining instead of working.
When I let Relia look over my shoulder when I'm browsing Pinterest
This:
Becomes this:
I need to add the picture of Felix's hair soon too.
Wow, already? As much time out as in? It is hard to believe it is already 9 months, and yet that it is only that long. It feels like Leo has always been in our family.
I stumbled upon this aerial photo of Minneapolis from 1957. The link is awesome because the image is so big, you can zoom in and see google maps like detail. I found our block, my school (Really the school that used to be there, Greely Elementary), the Art Institute, the Foshay.
FP and I were trying to figure out exactly where the freeway went so I decided to do a little overlay (mouseover). It is so amazing how much housing was just wiped from the map. We both said we have such a hard time imagining the city without a giant freeway running through.
Yup. This is what I do on a Saturday night.
I've started a lot of blog posts over the past couple of weeks, but once I read over them, they all sounded whiny & sad. I'm not. Maybe it is the post-holiday let down. or the fact that it is testing time at work, or many other things, but I'm struggling to see the funny and joyful and put it into writing. I know it is there, but clouds get in my way.
+ Since mid-2009, I have either been pregnant or nursing. Now I am not. The thing about nursing is, unless you consciously wean, you never know exactly when your last nursing session will be. There might be a couple more, but not many. I expected to feel sad, or happy, but it just is what it is (I do curse my lack of nursing diligence when I have to make a bottle of formula in the middle of the night though).
+ I was one that said it wasn't a big deal that our district cut our
break to a week and a half, instead of a full two weeks, but I found
myself feeling rushed. Having the break flanked by two holidays was really hard for me. I was secretly hoping the attendance stats would be dismal for
January 2-4, so we can justify going back to a full two weeks. Except for the 2nd, most of them showed up. Now that the initial shock of a shorter break is over, It isn't that bad.
+ I managed to do a lot of cooking over break, and I'm hoping I can keep up the momentum.
+My job. I am careful. For better or worse, I'm a people pleaser, and I tend to take it personally when they don't like what I want them to do. I'm not an administrator, but some kind of weird, in-between role, where I
am supposed to get others to do things, but have absolutely no
authority to require them to do what I believe is needed, and feeling
like I need to try something myself before I ask others to do it. I don't consider myself a particularly persuasive person. So lately, I daydream about a classroom job. That dull brown grass on the other side of the fence that has been spray painted green for now.
+Spring is welcome to arrive just as soon as it wants to.
Or at least trying to be.
This morning I was awoken by a thunk that made my heart stop. I leaped out of bed and ran to Leo's room to find him on his tummy crying on the floor! I scooped him up and snuggled him, while FP got him a bottle. We checked him out, changed him, and a few minutes later he was all smiles. He's fine. just fine. No (new) bumps on the head, no bruises or tender spots. Kids are amazing.
I've been keeping an eye on his height. They say the edge of the crib shouldn't be lower than their armpits. I guess he's growing more quickly than I thought, poor boy. I spent a few minutes lowering his crib mattress before I went to work this morning.
We had a pretty low key New year.
FP set off fireworks as we celebrated faux new year with the kids at 6:00 and then put them to bed. FP and I had a nice meal, watched some TV, and jut as the ball was dropping, firworks outside woke Felix up. Happy New year!
The next day we got to go hang out with Hans & Rachel and their crew. I hardly took any pictures, so I stole these from Donna:
Even though it was pretty cold, the kids got to play outside for a while with PopPop.
Josiah found a set of icicles.
It was fun to watch all the cousins chase each other and play. makes me wish we all lived just a little bit closer to each other.
